Death.. What is it?
My whole life I have been somewhat brainwashed to believe that death is the norm and that it happens for a reason- it even escalated to the justification that the deceased ‘mission was complete’, so, my whole life I grew up believing it, preaching it and basically living by it.
I have never experienced a death
of a person close to me, and who knew, that a boy I merely just knew and had the odd conversations with would have such an impact on my life, I for one didn’t expect that.
Daniel Copans is his name, an 18-year-old boy who lost his fight to
the repellent, venal and unjustified disease; cancer.
He fought this disease like a true champion, for just over a year and a half, with every person who let alone knew him but heard of him as his support system, and I am not going to say it was unexpected; but regardless, it happened and the impact it had on me was unimaginable.
As I lay in my bed and begin praying, a wave overtakes me, a wave filled with anger and confusion- but the biggest feature of this wave, is the feeling of doubt, for once in my life I feel doubtful towards God. I scroll through my news feeds, and see statuses paying homage to him, I look at the faces of his family, friends and all those who cherished him, I analyze everyone and everything and regardless of who or what it is, I see a commonality beneath them all, they are in pain.
I am a very spiritual person and believe strongly is God and his ‘planbook’, but for the first time in my life, I am confused with his actions. In the past I have always been able to somewhat construct a reason to all of God’s actions but this? This is beyond comprehension. 18 years old? What could the reason be?
I want to continue this post with philosophical answers to my questions but I cannot, because the truth is, we are made from something greater than science and philosophers, and therefore the answer cannot be scientific.
So how do we move forward? What can we take from this tragedy? What is the lesson that is so profoundly concealed? The answer I am about to give you, is somewhat an anti-climax, but is the only rationalization that has brought me as an individual closure.
We as human beings have all been created in a way that I believe cannot be justified by anything except the power of God, and we are his children, we have souls and we have minds. Only afer a few weeks of intense questioning and praying and analyzing the death of Daniel, I have succumb my confusion and and stopped looking at the negative connotations this death entails and I have looked at the good that this tragedy released.
People try their entire lives to impact a persons life and many of us don’t fill that potential, but this young boy at the mere age of 18 brought together an ENTIRE community, he brought nearly 2000 young Jewish adolescents to a place of God, our synagogue. He captured the thought pattern of parents, teachers, children and many more.
And although, the pain overwhelms us and leaves us angry, confused and hurt, we need to open our eyes to the good, and Daniel didn’t merely die, he fought, he prospered, he showed young teenagers strength that they never knew subsisted within them, he died a true champion in every sense of the word.
And yes, we mourn and we long and we question, but imagine God created us as mindless robots? We wouldn’t learn from this tragedy, we would monotonously walk around earth controlled by a higher power?
So anyone going through loss, I hope this post finds you well, and although this is not a straight-forward, philosophical solution, we need to look beyond the science and look above at our God, and just as we trust our parents have our best interests at heart, we need to trust God, and I for one know how hard it is to trust and believe in something that is not corporally with us, but the reward of having that spiritual connection and seeing things not as the norm but rather as Godly signs is to me, much more indulgent and gratifying.
RIP to a true hero, a boy who will never be overlooked and a boy who every single person will instill in their memory and although he is no longer with us corporally, he is here just as God is, in our minds and spirits.
feelingsXfashion 